Would You Give Up Your Memories to Escape the Sadness?

Facebook might make you wish you could.

It breaks my heart when I see others struggling with a recent loss. Although I’m on the same journey, I’m further up the road than some.

We’re all further ahead than someone.

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The other day I saw a post on Facebook from a woman who lost her adult son a few months ago. He was also a very good friend of mine and his sudden death was a shock to many.

His mother reposted a Facebook memory of her two sons and their father, adding a comment that went something like this:

“I think that having so many lovely photos are a mistake.”

It was heartbreaking to read. It was almost as though she wished all the photo memories didn’t exist.

I replied to her post saying that the photos are not a mistake. They are proof you had a wonderful life together.

Facebook is bittersweet.

Especially in the first year after the death of a loved one.

The platform automatically pushes moments and memories of a loved one in front of your face whether you’re ready for them or not.

Then there’s the second year, which is where I’m at now. It isn’t much better because each time a memory pops up it’s the same as it always was and always will be.

You suddenly realize there will be no more new moments created. You’ll be reminded of the same memories over and over until the death of Facebook.

Then you begin to fear the death of Facebook because in many cases, that’s the only place some memories exist in a tangible form.

But would you give up those memories to avoid pain?

If you really think about that question it could sound enticing.

If you were somehow able to wipe away all memory of your loved one you would no longer feel sadness, longing, and desperation to be with them again.

It would be as if they never existed in your past.

You can’t have feelings about someone you don’t remember knowing.

But the tradeoff would be erasing all the joy they brought to your life, even if it was for too short a time.

You wouldn’t be the person you are now if you had no memory of them because they taught you something while they were here. You are who you are because they existed.

I certainly wouldn’t be the tough woman I am today if I hadn’t raised my son. I wouldn’t be as funny, vibrant, persistent, or nearly as compassionate as I am today.

So, if someone were to ask me if I’d trade my memories to avoid the pain of losing him, my answer would be no. Not a chance in hell.

Because nobody wants to forget about that one time they got to tie a wagon to the back of a bicycle just so a kid could race his teddy bear around the neighborhood!

Thanks for reading this week. I hope your memories stay clear and joyful as you move forward.