If Your Lost Loved One Could See You Now...
How would they describe where you're at?
As a writer, obviously putting pen to paper has helped me immensely in working through my grief.
Very shortly after losing my son, I took it one step further. I began writing from his point of view.
Call it a bit of crazy, grieving mom if you like, but contemplating what he would think about the world he left behind somehow made his absence a little less stark.
If I write and then read words that I imagine he would say, it almost feels like direct communication with him.
I realize it sounds a bit off-center. However, when I presented the idea in my peer grief support group, it delighted the other parents. That was the entire goal because sometimes smiling feels like trying to scale Mount Everest barefoot.
I posed the question to the other parents like so:
If your child could talk to you right now what do you think he’d say about how you’ve been living?
It pleased me to see every mother smile when they gave their answer. Apparently, all our sons had a pretty great sense of humor.
Three months after my boy died, words effortlessly flowed out of my brain and onto a page, turning into one of the first pieces I ever wrote from his viewpoint.
The link below is what I surmise he’d say about how I’m living without him.
Odd Rituals of Sad People
It is now one year since I wrote that story and everything in it remains a sacred ritual. I haven’t deviated much.
The only thing that’s changed is I eventually worked up the courage to start using his laptop. It took nine months to feel comfortable with that.
Curtis is my son. I knew him better than any human being on this earth. For me, it’s been easy to speculate what he’d say about the world and the people he left behind.
Assuming you also knew your departed loved ones’ souls inside and out, what do you suppose they would say about how you’ve been living without them?
If it’s not too personal to share, I’d love to hear your answers in the comments below. And if it helps, pull out a journal and continue the journey of writing from their perspective.
This is a beautiful idea. I wrote to my late husband every night for much of the first year after his passing, but I never thought of writing from his point of view. I've often thought, and still do, of remarks he'd make if he could see me, and even more so his sons, now. I also want to ask if you've heard of Ohana Oasis (https://www.ohanaoasis.org/) -- an organization founded by a former colleague of mine, Heidi Low, who lost her daughter to cancer. Its purpose is to support parents through the work of healing and to help them find their way back to joy (while encompassing their loss -- not "getting over it"!). Some of the folks reading your newsletter might want to check it out.
This is so beautiful. My loved ones would say, "Have faith."