Grief and Dogs

The two are a match only heaven could dream up.

They say that dogs choose people who need them.

That statement leaves me wondering though. How can a random dog know when an unknown human needs it? Especially if it’s a shelter puppy that’s never met you and doesn’t even know how to poop outside yet.

That’s a lot for a tiny creature to have to know right out of the gate.

I adopted a puppy from the local humane society in May of 2020. Of the six pups in her litter, my mother and I knew she was the one because her shelter name was Mojo - the same name as our previous family dog.

It was almost as if “Mojo” knew how to make us choose her. She was the quiet, sweet one. Her coy demeanor sealed the deal and we welcomed her into our family that very day.

No dog could fill our original Mojo’s boots so we renamed our shelter pup Dezi.

Little did Dezi know that she would soon have the biggest boots on Earth to fill at a very young age.

Four months after adopting her my son died.

And there we were with a six-month-old wild puppy to raise when we felt like laying down and dying ourselves.

How does one even begin to take care of something that breathes and eats when they can’t even muster up the strength to feed themselves?

The answer became very clear very quickly. You do it because you have to. A puppy’s pee schedule doesn’t stop just because your life stopped dead in its tracks.

Before long, that little puppy’s quality of life became the ONLY thing that mattered to me…because she was the only thing sustaining my life in those dark first days.

Dogs give us a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

They accept hugs and deliver kisses without expectation.

Through our grief dogs provide unwavering companionship and understanding long after our human support networks drop off.

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I will never forget having no choice but to leave Dezi in a boarding kennel at just six months old so we could fly to my son’s city and handle his affairs.

We were gone for five days and during each of those days I suffered low-key anxiety over abandoning my puppy. On the day we were returning home, that low-key anxiety kicked into high-gear panic attacks.

I just needed my puppy back.

Mere days after losing my son, Dezi was the reason my mother and I went outside to breathe fresh air. Our walks together were the one thing that forced me into noticing that beauty still existed in the world.

There were still sunsets, sunrises, majestic mountains, and cleansing rain.

For many months, Dezi was the one thing that could make me smile. I couldn’t help it. She’s a clown in dog’s clothing and she’s impossible to not laugh at.

Dezi as a puppy

When we adopted Dezi I had started an Instagram page for her, partly because dogs + Instagram = hours of entertainment. And partly so that my son could watch her daily shenanigans until he was able to travel home and meet her.

It still crushes me to know that he never got the chance.

Now, his comments on her Instagram posts are a painful but fond memory I can revisit whenever I wish to. The love he felt for a puppy he never got to know warms my heart.

Somehow, way back in the beginning, Dezi knew we would need her.

I have never stopped with her Instagram page because it still brings me endless joy and amusement sharing her horseplay with strangers. It’s a joy I can’t find anyplace else.

She is still the reason I go outside and appreciate nature in a way I never would have without her. I owe my heart and soul to a dog because she has freely shared herself with me.

I have heard it said that we humans don’t deserve dogs. Maybe we don’t but where would we be without them?

They take on the enormous burden of seeing us through our worst days without complaining, which is more than most humans can do for us.

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If you have a dog or any other pet, how have they helped you through your darkest moments? Please feel free to pay them tribute and share your story in the comments.